The Trudge Report

Dust, dharma, and reflections of dubious merit from a slovenly loafer and a flea-bitten tramp

Stitched Up: GDT Sections F&G

Day 39 On the last night of Section E, Flea tossed and moaned in the prophetic throes of a dream. In it, he felt the faltering of feeble limbs, the sharp complaint of injury and the dull ache of hunger. He bore ceaseless rain, felt mud sucking at his feet, and saw an untrafficked forestry…
Noah’s Tarp: GDT Section E

Day 32, Saskatchewan Crossing After nearly 500 kilometres of despotic rule, the sordid reign of The Spunky Monkey (otherwise known as John) had at last come to an end. He was hurtling along the David Thompson Highway in the passenger seat of some good samaritan’s vehicle at speeds greater even than his own relentless walking…
Distended but not Defeated: GDT Section D

Day 27, Field After a modest coffee & cafe food orgy, Slov and Flea strode down the road to collect their food resupply and the new shoes Slov had ordered. At the innocuous site of the post office, however, their town fates radically diverged. Slov’s shoes weren’t there. He’d have to hitch to Golden or…
Animal Face: GDT Section C

Day 19: Boulton Creek Campground After consuming 3 litres of ice cream, 6 large pizza slices and a half dozen assorted pastries between them, Flea, Slov and the Spunky Monkey headed to their allocated camp spot. They’d not gone 50 paces when Spunk cried, “Washoooout!” “The Boys!” Washout called back. “Man, when that weather came…
Bush-whacked: GDT Section B

Day 10Having been lured to the town of Blairmore by the siren call of ice-cream, the Flea-bitten Tramp and the Slovenly Loafer were now, predictably, nauseous and disconsolate. As night fell they scoured the streets for a stealthy spot to do some urban camping. Before you could say Waltzing Matilda, they were accosted by Jordy…
Trailbait: GDT Section A

Day 0Flea and Slov were on the highway south from Calgary, headed to Waterton and the start of the Great Divide Trail. They’d been driving a couple hours and there was still no sight of the Rockies, which were obscured by a low haze somewhere to the west. The vast Canadian prarie gave no sign…
The Fog-Horn Blues: COVID in Kirby Cove

Entries from Slov’s journal during a week in which he and Flea sought cost-effective refuge on a dusty outcrop in the Marin Headlands while weathering fog, wind, and the virus. 4/7/22 We are parked up at the King George hotel: the second cheapest hotel in Frisco. We tried the cheapest, The Boston. It had one…
Viral Sensation: Yosemite High Route (Pt 2)

In which the beleaguered Flea and Slov confront several passes and the McClure glacier before deteriorating to the point of total immobility… Flea and Slov awoke from troubled dreams to a pre-dawn sky the grey-black colour of gabbro. 4:30am. They hustled to break camp and cram as many miles in as possible before the sun…
Hard Pass: Yosemite High Route (Pt 1)

In which a flea-bitten tramp and a slovenly loafer set off on the South Loop of the Yosemite High Route and into a world of pain in which they are harangued by mosquitoes, confronted by indomitable granite buttresses and ailed by a mysterious illness… After a surprisingly calorific two weeks at the San Francisco Zen…
Welcome to The Trudge

Kia ora and welcome. Here at The Trudge Report, we take in-depth, long form journalism seriously. So seriously that we that we have made a determination to bring you comprehensive and meaningful coverage on a singular matter of vanishingly small significance. That is: the whereabouts and whatabouts of two borderline degenerates, a so called ‘slovenly…